Parents want what’s best for their child. We envision our children’s futures and in that vision each of us sees our child finding a perfect partner, who will love and respect them, encourage their interests, nurture their dreams, care for them when they are sick, and fit in well with the extended family. Parents hope that their child will not end up with a partner who is condescending, who puts down their ideas or dreams, isolates them from family and friends, treats them as a possession, calls them names, tracks their every move, or is physically violent.

"Children live what they learn." Children begin learning about how to behave toward others in relationships and how they should be treated by others before they can ever speak. They learn volumes from watching the people in their own homes. Thus, a first critical step that parents can take in preparing their child to have healthy relationships is to take a look at their own relationships with each other and be aware of what they are role-modeling.

Children will grow up believing they have value and worth if they are treated as if they have value and worth. They will grow up respecting themselves and therefore expecting others to respect them if their own parents show them respect. They will grow up respecting others and treating others in healthy ways if they witness respectful, healthy communication and decision-making between those people who are most important in their lives.

The next step for parents to take in preparing their children for healthy relationships is to utilize their role as primary teacher. Children are less likely to use sexist language if they are taught about sexism and how limiting it is for both men and women in our society. It is important to encourage children to express, discuss and debate their views, as well as to expose them to other points of view. If we educate children, and allow them to form their own opinions, they will realize that their opinion is important, and respect their parents all the more for encouraging them to be critical independent thinkers.

Parents can encourage their children to be critical thinkers with respect to messages their kids are exposed to through the media by watching TV, movies & commercials and listening to music with their kids. Engage them in discussion of what they are seeing and hearing, what ideas are being sold to them, what products are being marketed to them, and how the advertisers are manipulative. Teach them to be skeptical and to conscientiously decide whether or not they agree with the ideas being promoted.

Have a Conversation

In our teen pages of this site we have explained that in our culture, disrespect is often encouraged and applauded. We encourage teens to think about fan behavior at sporting events, comments made about women or racial or ethnic groups by shock jocks on the radio, or the tone set by messages in popular music about relationships and sex. Take the time to talk with your teen about what it means to be a woman or man today, about how to respect yourself and others, how media influences us, and how everyday actions really can make a difference.